What is
changing religion? Escaping from
the shackles of one to end
into another.
No,
I am
not talking about
the rights, laws
and what not…but
the philosophy and
psychology behind it.
This is
why I change
religions:
I
am living in a perpetual
search of myself,
a search that
wishes to differentiate
truth from fiction…reality from
illusion. A search
that has become
a desperate need
for me. A search
that has emerged
from the limitations
of the present,
from the questions
that I no
longer seems to
answer. I have been
outgrowing those pros
and cons that
get to the
conclusion. I have outgrown
the conclusions. I have outgrown
that complete which
is not the
whole. I have
outgrown all that
something that I
have known to
exist. I have outgrown
this myth to
seek another. I know
I cannot live
all these lives
together. But that
doesn’t make me
any lesser. I have
over lived those
ideas and ideals
which I believed
were too strong
to be broken. And
I refuse to
believe that this
conclusion would be
uncertain, it will
only change shape
will look different
but will have
the same form?
I live
in a continuous
war with myself
in search of a peace
that will liberate
me from here,
and that will
bridge my vision
to me. In
between the stability
that could rot
me and the
motion that could
lose me, I am trying
to be alive.
In between
that repetition that
could prove me
nothing and the
mutations that could
prove me everything
I am trying
to keep me
from dying.
I have
outgrown all these
corners and edges
of this zigzag
puzzle only to seek
another beyond these
edges, beyond these corners.
In search of
something new I
am giving up these
boundaries which are
worm eaten, squeezed and
expanded by the
worldly wise and
vise, the face
wrinkled by greed
and bits of
failure and success
it had brought
with its morals.
I am
giving up these
rigid depths hot
with blood and
sweat of worshipers
both ardent and
lousy for a
new reason and
faith. I am
waiting to be
carried around to
this new glory.
I am waiting
to be molded
in this shape
of a new
faith.
I am
waiting to have
my doubts carried
away with the
strength of its
reason.
I am
waiting to see
its ability reflected
in my dedication.
I am
waiting to see
it’s vastness reflect
in my presence.
I am
living in search
of that reason
which can’t be
further argued.
I am
in search of that new faith
that can never
be questioned.
Yet, and
I refuses to
believe I am
living in search
of a shifting
end.
I am
living in search
of that perfect
desire, will and ability that
will end the
need of a mind.
In search
of that mind
which will end
the need of
a prayer.
In search
of that prayer
which will end
the need of
a heart.
In search
of that heart
which will end
the need of
the body.
In search
of that body
which will have
no fear of
death.
In
search of that
death which would
have no life
beyond, and there
would be no
need for morals, duties and
laws to preserve
them, which can’t
be altered by
time, never exalted
in dreams nor
there would be
a need to
prove it in
deeds, neither priced
by greed nor
having boundaries.
Living
within old barriers
I am in
search of changing
boundaries.
I refuses
to believe new
boundaries would be
created, new barriers
erected.
I refuse
to believe that
I would still
be living the
same life conditioned
to be at
attention by different
rules of the
same set and
I would still
be within not
without.
I wish
to seek the proof of
the fact that
there is more
of me than
this.
I wish
to rebel to
prove every past
is brittle.
I wish
a new tomorrow
to prove myself
that my form
can be molded
into a new
shape.
This search
proves my love,
my vanity, my
passion, my reality,
and sanity.
My faith
beyond the myth
and my reason
beyond the repeated
cliché.
I live
in search of
a bigger brighter
world.
In search
of those words
whose meanings lie
not in others
head, in search
of those prayers
those are born
not out of
others heart. In
search of that
reality where my
dreams will not
be limited, in
search of that
space where my
mind would not
be restrained, in search of
a difference that
shows.
This is
a war between
the past saints
and the present
giants.
This is
a war between
a mind that
can conceive and
those minds that
borrow the conception.
This
is a war
raging in the
mind between illusion
and delusion, between
wisdom and naked
desire for power,
between fiction realities
are based on
and reality fiction
is based on,
between too many
questions and very
few answers. And
I sit wondering
what did I
get out of it?
I am
still as scared
of tomorrow as
I was always….I will still be on my knees. I
have just changed
the wall paper
of the prison
but the prison
still has me.
