So, Now you have
to
impress the agent. He
has written a rejection
letter just because your
letter was not
right! No problem. Write
back a reply
in a poem
and then send
back the material
too. A poem
is the best
way to express
your crush! He/ she will
look into your
manuscript with loving
eyes. Believe me,
no one is
immune to flattery!
And
please do not
forget to mention
in Bold capitals
that you are
ready to sleep
with him/ her!
Here is
an example of
a begging letter (if
you know how to
beg better let me know)
My Dearest Ms/ Mr……………(agents
name)
My
salutations to you. Sir
I have written
a poem for you.
Don’t consider it
the exhibition of
my perversion, think
of it as
my adoration for you.
You are
my day and
my night,
You are
what I dream
all time,
You
are my idol
and ideal,
You are
the one that gets the million
dollar deal.
You
don’t know of
my existence,
My
pain or persistence,
But
I know your
entire profile,
Your
professional, family life and
the taxes you
file.
I
have been stalking
you since I
wrote my first
word.
You
have made people
into celebrities, Gods and
the vain turd!
The
written word has
no value till
it has gone
through your hands.
I
want to tell
you I love
you and your
work and even
the ants in
your pants!
Sir,
I hoped you
liked my poem. But
first, thank you
for your rejection. It
was prompt
. You
are not only
good but quick too. There
are many agents
who don’t care
to even reply
but you Sir, are not mean
like them. I myself
couldn’t have whacked
a fly that
quick!
I
am mighty impressed
by your short ‘I
will pass. No for
me.’ It
has taught me
how one should
be concise and not waste other people’s
time .
I
want to take
this opportunity to tell
you that it
must be me who
must be
wrong. You cannot be
wrong Sir, in your
decision to reject
me. You have been
in this profession
for so long
and deciding the fate of
thousands of
writers! How can you be wrong?
You
must be brilliant
and so well
read, Sir. I
am sure you
must have read
so many millions
of books although
you must not
have had time
to go beyond
the first line
or paragraph! Time is
a constraint I
know. Other writers might not understand this
but I do.
Your
credentials on your
website just proves
you are great.
Only you can
get that million
dollar deal and
that coveted place
in the bestseller
list. Sir, the photograph
of you posing
with your laptop
and books is
just amazing. You
look so handsome.
I
have seen your
office and your
home too. They
are beautiful. Don’t
think of me
as a stalker,
I am just
a fan. I
have your poster
on the ceiling
above my bed.
You should see
how awesome you look
upside down!
I
saw the photo
of your dog
on your website.
It is sooooo
cute. I love dogs.
Sir,
if there is
anything I can
do to get
you to look
at my manuscript
with a little
sympathy I am
more than willing.
I
am Ok sleeping
with you or
with whosoever you
suggest. I will
take your dog for
regular walks too
or anything else
you can think of!
I have been
cleaning my professors
toilet , buying them groceries,
babysitting their children
for free when
I was in
college so l
could get
good grades. So, Sir, I
have lots of
experience in this
field and I
am willing too.
Sir,
I am again
sending my manuscript
with this letter.
I am hoping
this time you will
agree to
represent me.
Yours
only.
Bharati. BV
P.S: Did I tell you I love you and I cannot live without you? I do and to prove it I
want to
sleep with you or whosoever
you suggest, just
name a place
and time and
give me half
an hour I
will fly in there,
buck naked! 
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