Now that they
‘the circle’ have trusted
you, all those
wanting to be artist: writers/ poets/painters/ musicians should
in return be
decent enough not
to go around
throwing the names from the
circle on the
pavement along the road to your
success
like empty beer
cans.
Which means once you
get all the
stories and have
rearranged them in
your head you
keep in mind
these ethics: You just don’t put
them, people from your
circle, down as they were.
You must ever so
slightly
change their names, physical
stats, sex, religion, locations, their mother
father and mostly
their social and
sexual characters in
the best possible permutation and combinations. Despite all
this if they
still look similar
to someone who
will recognize themselves : add an
arm or
a psychological
tick like winking
too much or
persistently staring at
the groin. If
this doesn’t work
add a pair
of headlights! If it
still doesn’t work
promote them
to your local
drug lord or
the president of
your country! Still not working?
delete one physical
part after another
and keep adding
some animal part
or car part!
It has to work by now.
But be careful
not to turn
them into complete
aliens because those
agents and publishers
you will be
approaching don’t like
such twisted imagination. FYI :
they, the agents
and their like,
like good solid
sob stories where
the handsome almost
diamond like glittering hero
is beaten to
a pulp before
he becomes the fruit
again! Anyway this troublesome
issue of agents,
publishers and their
likes and dislikes
should not be
dealt here. These are the
initial lessons on
writing, the advanced
lessons on getting
your ass kicked
will come later!
Back to
the topic, Now
where was I?
Right here: If
you are still left
with any friends
by the time
you have got
all your stories : you
just don’t ever, even
as much as
think of putting
them with or
without headlights in
your manuscript. Although the
chance of you
having any friends
left is too
remote if you
go around collecting
and delivering gossip
like I told you!
And
if
you hate someone how
do you put them
in your
manuscript? you make
them the villain
of your book
and write about
them as they
are and add
to it too : they should not just be
evil
but suffer from
some horrible and if
appropriate a pus
oozing sexual disease! Then add
scenes when they
are stabbed by
robbers, run over
by cars, pushed
from high buildings
which of course
they struggle through
and survive only
to be bitten
by vampires or
even better ask
your vampires to
chase these two
cent villains around the
world and then
bite them!
And if
you are worried they, the
friends turned enemies
from ‘the circle’, will
not buy your
book once it
is published you
are wrong!
First of
all your book
will not be
published so easily
and if it is they, your
friends cum enemies,
will definitely buy
your book just
to see what
shit you have
written about them!
They will sit
on their toilet
seats and read
and read your
book and then
bang their heads
against their washbasin
mirrors! They will
tear open your book
or better burn
it and then
they will get
more angry and buy more
books to tear
it and burn it!
Your
enemies are
frustrated and you
are rich! What
more do you want?
The
above
mentioned is the
unspoken law of
collecting stories which no
one will
tell you. There are
certain standard story
collecting techniques the advice on which all
published authors, agents and
publishers will give
you, “Read, read and
read.” And then “write, write
and write”.
What they are telling you in an underhand way I am telling you openly :
Read
good books, read
popular ones and
most importantly read
lousy books. You can steal
the maximum from
lousy books and
no one will
note. But don’t steal
a lot because they
are lousy books
for a reason.
Be generous with
everyone and everything
you have read, that
way you can pay
your secret tributes
and also
get a good saucy mixture.
If
anyone
says you plagiarized
tell them this:
1.
there are only
26 alphabets.
2.
only
that many good sounding finite
words and sentences that can
be made of
them.
3. people
have been writing
for years and
have already consumed
the entire dictionary
a million times.
Writers
have to
learn a few
things from musicians!
There
is
another most authentic way of
collecting stories : get your
ass kicked and
then write about
it!
P.S
An
eulogy to all
the innocents caught in-between: Believe me
if a writer/ musician any artist
for that matter or a hopeful
is listening to you very
attentively he/ she is
trying to cook
some fiction/ lyrics/ story board in
his head over your
nonfiction much real
life! So, God bless
you!
Next
comes : how to write the authentic
story!
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