So, Now you have to impress the agent. He has written a rejection letter just because your letter was not right! No problem. Write back a reply in a poem and then send back the material too. A poem is the best way to express your crush! He/ she will look into your manuscript with loving eyes. Believe me, no one is immune to flattery! And please do not forget to mention in Bold capitals that you are ready to sleep with him/ her!
Here is an example of a begging letter (if you know how to beg better let me know)
My Dearest Ms/ Mr……………(agents name)
My salutations to you. Sir I have written a poem for you. Don’t consider it the exhibition of my perversion, think of it as my adoration for you.
You are my day and my night,
You are what I dream all time,
You are my idol and ideal,
You are the one that gets the million dollar deal.
You don’t know of my existence,
My pain or persistence,
But I know your entire profile,
Your professional, family life and the taxes you file.
I have been stalking you since I wrote my first word.
You have made people into celebrities, Gods and the vain turd!
The written word has no value till it has gone through your hands.
I want to tell you I love you and your work and even the ants in your pants!
Sir, I hoped you liked my poem. But first, thank you for your rejection. It was prompt . You are not only good but quick too. There are many agents who don’t care to even reply but you Sir, are not mean like them. I myself couldn’t have whacked a fly that quick!
I am mighty impressed by your short ‘I will pass. No for me.’ It has taught me how one should be concise and not waste other people’s time .
I want to take this opportunity to tell you that it must be me who must be wrong. You cannot be wrong Sir, in your decision to reject me. You have been in this profession for so long and deciding the fate of thousands of writers! How can you be wrong?
You must be brilliant and so well read, Sir. I am sure you must have read so many millions of books although you must not have had time to go beyond the first line or paragraph! Time is a constraint I know. Other writers might not understand this but I do.
Your credentials on your website just proves you are great. Only you can get that million dollar deal and that coveted place in the bestseller list. Sir, the photograph of you posing with your laptop and books is just amazing. You look so handsome.
I have seen your office and your home too. They are beautiful. Don’t think of me as a stalker, I am just a fan. I have your poster on the ceiling above my bed. You should see how awesome you look upside down!
I saw the photo of your dog on your website. It is sooooo cute. I love dogs.
Sir, if there is anything I can do to get you to look at my manuscript with a little sympathy I am more than willing.
I am Ok sleeping with you or with whosoever you suggest. I will take your dog for regular walks too or anything else you can think of! I have been cleaning my professors toilet , buying them groceries, babysitting their children for free when I was in college so l could get good grades. So, Sir, I have lots of experience in this field and I am willing too.
Sir, I am again sending my manuscript with this letter. I am hoping this time you will agree to represent me.Yours only.
Bharati. BVP.S: Did I tell you I love you and I cannot live without you? I do and to prove it I want to sleep with you or whosoever you suggest, just name a place and time and give me half an hour I will fly in there, buck naked!