Since we have already dealt with external writers block we will deal with internal writers block now. Internal writers block is a type of block caused by internal organs : your brain, your heart or your ass! This is a type of block about which has been discussed thoroughly by great minds but with no concrete results. So I am trying to give you some easy solutions other than getting drunk or smoking grass, which if your country or your parents have no issues about, you should. The most important causes of an internal block could be on or all of the following:
1. You cannot come up with a good idea.
There is nothing called good idea. An idea is only as good as it is popular. Remember Google? In the box type “good ideas for book.” The search will lead to 581,000,000 results in 0.33 seconds. What does it tell you? Now, now don’t try to be modest, you did try that writing software ! what does all that successful writers mantra: ‘read, read, read’ and then ‘write, write , write’ mean? Now how many big authors are writing ‘ tips for writing’? Why? because you are searching, reading and trying to use it ? Voila! So first of all lets us get a little shameless and open minded. Oxford dictionary will not tell you differently but shameless and open minded are one and the same and both help us to absorb everything the world has to offer! Of course, One insults you and the other boosts your ego.
So? Now you know what to write about. You don’t like stealing other people’s ideas ? seriously? OK..OK…..something for your conscience: you can’t steal something that is already stolen! Just pick up a vampire…why Vampire? Because they are the latest fashion! God! Pick any vampire… . now vampires are not original they have been living in mankind’s fear for ages. Remember Dracula? Now, have patience I am telling you how to make him more original. Now you have chosen a vampire. Get him a florescent yellow superman cape. Make him wear his underwear on the top of his pants like phantom. See what more original do you want? Now your vampire can not only jump from one tree to another like a monkey but also go to mars and land back safely because of the cape that will act like a parachute. And the inside out underwear? That is to make the vampire more up to date like our rap stars! Once you got your hero you know he has to do two things and only two things: one he has to fall in love and second kill the other guy. Writing about love? How may times have you fallen in love? and killing? How many people have pissed you off? Just write about them.
2. You have the idea but cannot commit to it.
Why? You don’t like vampires? No problem...what do you like? Princes dairies ? harry potter?
Serial murders? Pick up from there. If it is a woman make her wear a cape and her bra on top of her dress like cat woman. Don’t try to be original because the more original your story is the more block you will have….and original? Everyone has already written about everything. So just commit to the idea you got. Still mind not working? Open whatever books you have …fiction, nonfiction, textbooks and spread it on your bed. Sit with your laptop in the center and pick one line from each in a clockwise fashion or anti clockwise….whichever works. Even better don’t pick up two lines from the same book. There are a million books. One line from each book will do miracles! And then add an ‘is’ or ‘was’ or replace a tree with a man….for example : the dog pissed on the tree. You write the cat pissed on the man. And please for god sake don’t be shy! You are a writer for god sake!
3. You have got your two character but from somewhere the third character is trying to come in. it is because of your guilty conscience. You don’t want to steal other people’s hero heroine but you just did? And now your own the original character keeps butting in. Don’t worry. Let him/her butt in but see to it that he butts out too. There are many authors that have written books with so many character that it is impossible to keep track of who is doing what. So if one original character comes in..he/she will make the book a little thicker and if more character then write a 600 pages book. Someone who can write 600 pages has to be good. So people will buy it to keep it in the showcase. I have War and peace and tell everyone that I have read it! Everyone says so but if you ask them to discuss it they will prefer to discuss their extra marital affairs or bowel movements in public but not war and peace!
4. Your characters are boring.
In this generation of twitter anything beyond 140 characters is boring unless they are doing something they should not do and doing it quick.
5. You don’t know what happens next.
What can happen? Either your characters will have sex or will kill each other for money, love or freedom. What else can happen? You are not planning to describe how they fart or drink tea? Are you? Grow up guys you want to be read by the entire world or not? Now if Hemingway sips tea he will get a Nobel prize but if I sip tea I have to go pee! So grow up.
6. Despite me telling you not to get original you got original?
You and your characters don’t listen to me or the call of big bucks? They are doing all sorts of silly things? Like being nice to each other, crying sobbing, shopping, drinking tea….no problem…first write the bestseller I am telling you. And these silly characters? Keep it in for the sequel. Once your good book sells for a million dollars and has become an international bestseller you can sell this original crap too. You can dupe anyone to buy it just because you now have a big name! Haven’t you seen all those bestseller writers? Their one book is great and the rest you buy it in the hope it will be great too!
7. You are ashamed of your characters? They are doing the same thing the other characters from other books are doing? Man! Why don’t you get it. the entire world is doing the same things not just book characters : get up in the morning, do potty, eat, work, see TV, have sex and go off to sleep till the day they drop dead. Now the whole world is doing the same thing where is the original? But you are still bored? Copy paste Kamasutra. That should keep your entertained.
8. your conscience is criticizing you? All those critics will criticize you? All those people reading your book will criticize you? Don’t worry the job of half this world is criticism. What I am going to say is very serious : our gods have been criticized, so have been saints, people shot Mahatma Gandhi too…so a little criticism for the book is Ok. But then you know you have done something wrong? You are no saint? Or mahatma? Did you listen to the inner conscience when you stole from your father’s pocket or lied to your mother or cheated your boyfriend / girlfriend? No, No? then? Get your money and have fun and once you have stolen lines from so many books no one can catch you. And anyway that conscience thing is very irritating trying to butt in where it should not so ignore it!
9. you can’t find the right word to make the sentence fascinating? Seriously? Ask the computer it knows all the synonyms and antonyms and will correct your sentence and spelling too. This is the cool century….so cool!10. your story when finished looks dumb?
Why do you think they are making books into movies? Because no one wants to read them. And anyway the fate of a story being good or dumb doesn’t depend on you . It depend on your marketing and sales team. Those guys call sell potatoes in the name of diamonds! Find a friend who does PR or sales and show him your story. If he thinks your story is dumb then you should rewrite it again or else it is fine. Please don’t show your story to a critic they are called critics for a reason!
11. now you have to revise and you are worried the characters instead of killing each other will kill your spirit?
Don’t revise. What will the editor do if you do his job too? Get paid for free?
You did what I told you and you got a rejection? Refer to my earlier post on what to do when you get a rejection. In short : go into your bathroom, put on the shower and cry! Seriously, I will have to tell you this also? God bless you!
12. you are sad / angry you took my opinion and want a better one?
Send your manuscript to a book doctor or a vanity publisher. He / she/ they /it will suck your money, your blood and your mental peace and then you will have to come back to me running for more advice! Mind it.